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ToriSky16
Posts: 19
Registered: ‎07-22-2009
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First Poem

I have never written a poem before, so I don't know if you would even consider this a poem, or even if it's any good or complete junk. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I wrote it in the middle of the night. Worth Walking through this world alone Though always surrounded by people Life has become a lonely road A path that seems to run the same course Time flies by, though you stand still Watching memories fade You can’t erase those etched in stone The scars still run deep The wounds do not heal You still remain Dancing to the beat of life Smiles from ear to ear Keeping the world from your inner torment You reach to hold her near The world seems a little brighter in that moment Though feelings are bittersweet There is good and bad in this embrace He and she are ever connected Hatred and love You still remain Your world is crashing You’re spinning through your thoughts History repeats itself and the wounds begin to fester You hold the strength left inside your soul You stand your guard This time you will not falter You still remain But this time is different This time is harder There is more at stake this time around He plays the game well, for he knows you in entirety You begin to falter Your grasp is slipping Strength is weakening Control is fading You falter You are alone You do not remain I see you in your moment of weakness You do not see me I am there for you The strength you cannot find If only you could see through my eyes You falter so simply You are worth so much more than that You are not alone, for I am here for you With me, you can remain
Inspired Scribe
_mOonSeeKer_
Posts: 700
Registered: ‎06-15-2009
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Re: First Poem

ToriSky, first of all, I want ot say that your poem is nice... I especially like the part : "Life has become a lonely road A path that seems to run the same course".

 

But there are parts that I don't quite understand..maybe because you typed it like was just a mere paragraph..maybe if you'd write it in the way poems are written, maybe I could understand it better..

 

But is has a potential, continue writing..:smileyhappy:

http://whisperinglostwords.blogspot.com
Wordsmith
Zack_Kullis
Posts: 235
Registered: ‎02-27-2009
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Re: First Poem

Hello ToriSky, welcome!!

 

I really liked the content of your poem.  Like mOonseeKer, I think that formatting your poem would add quite a bit to it.

 

Try putting it in groups of thought, and put in a comma or a period where you think the reader should pause.  But like I said, I liked the content!

Sic volvere Parcas...