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geekylurver
Posts: 26
Registered: ‎02-24-2010
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Halfling(part three)

So this is part three of Halfling. Tell me what you think viewers:smileyvery-happy:


Emma Cain


The footsteps came around the corner I told myself not to look up. The footsteps came from two boys. One was shorter then the other and from the corner of my eye he looked embarrassed. From what I could tell he was wearing a Death Cab for Cutie t-shirt. His friend was tall and seemed eve taller than me from here. He didn't stand out though his shirt did its bright colors and the way Pierce the Veil was written. I felt their eyes boring into my side so with a sigh I turned and stared back at them. When I turned to stare back someone's scent hit my nose and I grimaced without wanting to. It was the smell of dog and wood; werewolf. I new Sylvia-my mentor-picked this place cause of the supernatural activity and it was 'safe'. But werewolves? God this was going to be a long first day.
 
Now I saw the two boys better. I looked at the tall one first, He wore all black except for the blasts of colors on his shirt. He looked muscular and lean, his hair was really blonde almost white. He smiled or rather grinned when he noticed I was checking him out. I looked away towards the short one,the werewolf, he looked angry. I heard him growl slightly and hiss at Mr.. Tall. Mr.. Tall shook his head and told him to go on without him. Something was off about that; no werewolf would've listened to a a human easily. I decided to ignore that and keep taking pictures before Mr.. Tall came to 'talk' to me.
 
It was sort of odd that some random guy would come and talk to me. I usually just get stared at or they just leave hastily. Maybe its how I look that usually scares them off. My too big eyes, the fact that they're both different colors. One grey,that's what I think the color is. Its to shiny to be grey and to plain to be silver, the other an ever changing rainbow. It changes on how the other people around me feel for example this guy whose walking towards me sees it black. It means he's undecided about something. Sometimes they both change colors. Mr.. Tall was now too close and I could hear his breath.
 
"Hey, um your new here aren't you?" He asked.
 
I didn't want to sound mean or rude so I made myself sound bored and uninterested, "Yeah u am actually."
 
His eyes glued to my every move. Watching me as I slid off the car and onto the parking lot. Its was creepy how he stared it was as if he was a stalker of some sort.
 
"Well I've been here since Freshmen year. I can show you around if you'd like", He sounded hopeful. This guy was throwing himself way too fast jeez talk about being odd.I started to walk slowly wondering if he noticed but by the way he looked me in the eyes I was pretty sure he didn't.
 
"I'll figure it out on my own. But thanks though", I threw over my shoulder and escaping hastily.

James Skyhart

 


Unpublished Rights Reserved to Valerie M.

Let the darkness take you in it's hold. Let him squeeze life out of you maybe next you'll learn not to be scared of him.
Inspired Scribe
_mOonSeeKer_
Posts: 700
Registered: ‎06-15-2009
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Re: Halfling(part three)

OK, i know i've said this before..but WOW! 

 

Your story is really good. If you finished it, you should publish it. 

 

And Keith is a werewolf?? wow

 

hope you post more. i can't wait to read part 4.

http://whisperinglostwords.blogspot.com
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susie_d
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎05-26-2010
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Re: Halfling(part three)

[ Edited ]

Great story!  I like how you have the different points of view from your characters.  I can't wait to read more.

“When asked, "How do you write?" I invariably answer, "one word at a time." ~ Stephen King

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Floebe
Posts: 23
Registered: ‎07-21-2010
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Re: Halfling(part three)

Hello i was wondering where is the first part of your story because i can not find it any way, and i write stories also are you just suppose to post it on here.

Contributor
Floebe
Posts: 23
Registered: ‎07-21-2010
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The Talented

Hey you guys, i'm a writer, and ive wrote a book, and i wondering if yall could give me some feed back on it. My ister says its great, but i wanted someone else point of view. Please be gentle. If you dont like it, dont be mean. I am very sensitive Here goes....

 

 

 

The Talented

 

 

Chapter 1

          I’m lying on this itchy and very uneven cot,  starring at the ceiling fan. I felt like I was going to die from the lack of air the fan was providing to me. I heard a knock at the door. Was it Tuesday again, is it time for my daily crazy shot. How was I suppose to know, they don’t give you calendars in this place. I heard the jingle of keys and the door slowly open. There was a different man, who usually takes me the the room to receive my shot.

“What happen to Ted?” I asked the new man.

“Why does it matter to you, anyway?” He said. He roughly pulled me up by my arm. Then proceeded to take me to the room. The other crazy people in the their rooms started whispering about me.

“ How long has she been here?”

“She should be dead by now, look at her.”

“Today is the day, today is her last day.” The new guy told them all to shut up, and they all went back to doing whatever they were doing at first.

          We made it to the Room, and he open it up.

“You know what to do.” He told me. I went to the operating table and layed down on it. He started to put me in my restraints, and then he left. I quickly learned that if you do what they told you to do: it’ll be over quickly. Besides it was my fault that they started to give me shots. I wouldn’t take the little yellow pill they gave me. So of course they had to think of another way to give it to me, and a shot was the first thing that came to their mind. 

This has been happening over two months now, or at least I think its two months. Each time on the table, I always start to remember, how did I end up here. Why did they put me here in Tavins House of The Confused, or THoTC, or The Crazy house for short? Did I really deserve to be put in here? My adoptive family, thought it would be best since I almost killed their son, with icicles. And since it was summer not winter, everyone including me wonder where did they come from. I’m not saying im innocent, bcause that’s a lie, I did what I did. But  I still don’t understand how I did it. I remember he was looking in my stuff and he broke a figureine, my mom gave me.  I also remember there being a tall glass of water on the dresser. Then I lifted my hands and pointed at him, and out of no where three large icicle were pinning him to the wall. When I look at the glass of water it was empty. Then shortly after that they put me in here.

 The docter came in too give me my shot. Each time I see him I get the chills, the guy creeps me out. Today he gave me two shots, why I don’t know, usually I just get one. When he finishes he throws the shots in waste bin, washes his hands, and walks to the door. Before he leaves he smiles at me. Okay, like I said he was too creepy for words. An hour past, and I was still on the examing table. Usually after I get my shot, they throw me back in my room, literally. But to day they just left me here. The medicine was starting to kick in and it was making me sleepy. Which didn’t make sense, usually it give me a headache, and then I get all nauseous and  stuff. But it never make me sleepy. Then I remember what they were saying the hallway. Was they really trying to kill me, is today my last day. I trying moving but I was still tied down by the restraints. Then an alarm went off, my room starts flashing red. Then I remember when one of the patients, try to escaped, the alarm went on. Was someone else trying to escape? The intercome comes on, “This is not a drill, I repeat this is not a drill, there is a security breach.” Wait was someone trying to get in. “ There heading to room SAC432.” Wait I’ve seen that number before, SAC432, wasn’t that this room. I slowly lift my head up, and try to look at the door number. My vision is a little blurred, but the room number was SAC432. Someone was breaking in the room I was in. The alarm got louder, then it stopped completely. The room lights are turned off completely. So took make matters worse, I m pinned down to a table, someone is possibly trying to come in here to um kill me, and its dark so I will never see who did it, great. 

I feel someone pulling on my legs. I start screaming. Then the lights come back on, and theres this black guy who looks close to my age, undoing the straps on my legs. I was so scare, I didn’t know if I should scream or what. Chances were I would die anyway, either by him or them here.  I was kind of hoping on the medicine to get the job done for me, that way it would be fast and quick. The guy walked up to my arms and unbuckled them. He help me sat up and then we just starred at each other. He pulled out  a piece of paper from his pocket. He slowly started reading from it, like he couldn’t read or something.

“Hello… I’m here to save you today… um if you come with me you’ll be among people of your own kind…Do you agree to come with me?” I wantd to say have you lost your damn mind, I don’t know you. But then the door knob started to turn, and I knew if he didn’t kill me they would, so I agred to go with him, ill figure the rest out when I’m out of this place. He took my hand, and he told me to close my eyes. I did and when I opened them, we were outside the House. How did that happen? I started looking around me, to make sure that I wasn’t losing it. It’s the medicine they gave you, its making you see stuff. That what I told my self, because there was no way in hell, we were outside when we were inside. I slowly let go of his hand, then I backed up.  I see two more figures coming up beside him. I made up my mind I was going to run into the woods, where I would find help. But that change when I heard a male voice speak to me.

Wordsmith
Kat-NE
Posts: 1,349
Registered: ‎04-22-2009
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Re: The Talented

First of all, welcome to the board!

 

I think that your story has a lot of potential and I like your writing style.  I like that you don't really say where she is, but you kind of figure out the situation from reading it.  I did think that there was a little organization issue when the character went into the flashback.  I think it just needs a little work on the transition from present to past.  Other than some typos (you'll probably notice it when you read it again) I think it's a great start!

 

For future, on the main Writing Room page, there is a green New Message button near the top of the page that you click.  That will give you your own page where you can title and post your work.

 

 

Contributor
Floebe
Posts: 23
Registered: ‎07-21-2010
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Re: The Talented

Okay thanks. You right there was alot of errors, i did notice after reading it again. Oh and yea i saw where the new message button was at. Thanks again for your input, i just wanted to make sure people would actually read the book, you know.