Hey, can anyone help me?

[Ravenclaww]

i'm writing a book called Heavens of Fire and I currently have a Prologue and four Chapters. But I need people to read and tell me what they think and see if there are any mistakes or such and critiques and reviews lol all that shnazz. xD

http://storywrite.com/Blazing%20Writer   That's the link to my profile and the story is under HEAVENS OF FIRE  lol xD Hope you guys can help. Thanks.

[DinoBess]

I was able to read the prologue and the first chapter.

What you really need is more background. What kind of world is this? There is a blacksmith, books, and couches. I can't determine whether this is a medieval kind of era or modern-ish. And why does this evil king have so much power over his subjects? Not all kings are evil. I just started reading this feeling confused, which won't keep readers hooked too long if the explanation comes too late.

As for the technical stuff, the main problem is just sentence fragments. The rest are apostrophes and can otherwise be solved by reading the sentences aloud.

Great concepts -- you just need to tell your readers more about it. Good luck!

[DinoBess]

Sorry -- I didn't have much time to reply last night, so that comment was pretty choppy. Feel free to ask me about it.

[Flowering]

Hello, I really like your story! Very strong characters you've created. It does remind me a little of warcraft because of the style of clothing, the land, and some of the names, but if that's what influenced you, what the heck! Although, I do recommend maybe making some names that dont sound too warcrafty. Also, on paragraph 20 you used the word real twice. Thats where I got to, but it is very easy to read, its light, and full of great imagry, and is so easy to imagine. I can almost see Hazel right now, with the perfect weather, haha. Oh, and I like your girl in the beginning who made the prophecy. It lets us readers know something big is about to happen.