11-21-2009 12:19 AM - edited 11-21-2009 12:21 AM
I like to write poems sometimes and any comments / suggestions are welcome!
Who do I see outside the window?
A little girl near a tree,
She looks to be five plus three,
Tricycle old, rusty and red,
Parked out by the sky blue shed.
Auburn brown her hair was straight,
Just like mine when I was eight,
Shades of pink and red she wore,
Pies of mud she made some more.
Her works of art dried by the sun,
All were "sold" except for one,
She held them in her hands to hide,
And gave it to the top of the slide.
11-21-2009 05:46 PM
Oh my God, I loved it! I dont usually like poetry, but I went to this one anyways because I feel like if I posted something then I would want some people to read it. And I was glad I did. I liked how you made the beats the same, and used colors alot, and the rythm was excellent! It flowed flawlessly too. The story as well, a little girl making mud pies. How delicous. ha ha ha, jk.
11-22-2009 05:06 PM
Hey thanks! I'm so glad you liked it! That means a lot when the reader isn't a big fan of poetry.
I appreciate your compliment!
I wrote it during the summer and also picked a childhood memory of me and red tricycle...
I will look for your writing too!
11-23-2009 10:04 PM
I don't like it..... BECAUSE I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love everything you said in that poem! The choice of words, the rhyming, the ---- Everything!!!!!!!! Like Flowering said, it flows flawlessly.... I love it, I love it, I love it!!!!