05-26-2010 01:52 PM
Let me begin by saying I'm not the kinda guy anybody would notice walking down the halls. I don't have girls lusting after me, or guys who wanna kill me 'cause I'm so damn lucky. Truth is I'm not your typical cool-guy. More like an average version of Napoleon Dynamite. Shaggy red hair that hangs down ungroomed, dozens of dark moles that give the impression I'm a wannabe punker with metal studs implanted in my skin, even gigantic glasses lying crooked on my face from when Chris, (School Bully) Smashed me in the face last winter.
Natural belief states that family members are supposed to treat you with love and affection, accepting you for whoever you are, no matter how dorky the frame. My family is the opposite. My parents know I’m the village idiot, and rather than go out of their way to be nice about it, they pretend I’m enclosed by a box, unable to see me. My sister wasn’t much better, finding amusement in the fact I was “diagnosed dead”, discovered at the bottom of the food chain.
The few friends I do possess are either virtual, joining me on the field of play at dungeonsanddragons.com, or the elderly folk I help out every Saturday morning at Queen’s County Hospital. I humor myself sometimes; maybe there waiting for the right moment to become visible. We’d do normal things; Hang out at each other’s houses, play video games, watch television. But then again, I picture myself married to a beautiful model in ten years, with a fat wallet and the complete season of Lost playing on a huge stereo system I actually own. Probably set my sights too high huh?
As you can plainly see, my life sucks. But hey, don't give me any sympathy, I'm sure you're slapping yourself on the back right now knowing I'm a complete loser with no chance at popularity. Fine with me, that's about the best reaction I can hope for from anyone. But please, allow me to explain why exactly my life sucks, and for what reason it is that way.
Getting a job is out of the question. First, I don't have a clue how to even go about doing that. Sure, everyone says it's easy. Just go and get an application, fill it out, and check back every week until they hire you. Well I'm not like that. I hate work, or any physical activity whatsoever. My idea of a hardwork is when my mother forces me to fetch the mail, and I come back soaked with sweat. No way, getting a job was for people who actually liked to move around.
Of course, that being said, you realize I don't have much money. I figure if I really need to get some I'll just rob a bank. Easier said than done. I've fantasized about the different ways to do it; Dress up like the manager, pretend I'm a health inspector. None of those seemed like they'd work. So I guess money isn't something I really need. Besides, I can usally mooch of my sister for a little cash. She used to be a dork too, so she understands what it's like. Then she grew boobs and everything changed.
I consider myself a pretty handsome guy. I mean, look at me. (Oh, wait) And it's funny, cause my big bro says exactly the opposite.
"If you were to get a girl Marcus, they might finally stop that oil spill up near Mississippi. Or she'd at least have to be stuffed, ya feel me?"
My brother prided himself on his sense of humor, please ignore his vulgar jokes. But in essence he's right, I guess I'm really not that good-looking. Experimentation has furthered his point. No girl will look at me when I walk down the hall to my next class. Whatever, girlfriends are overrated anyway. And even so, loneliness isn't a choice is it?
No we come to the reason my life is such a hell-hole. I own every season, DVD, book, movie, video game, you name it that has anything to do with Science Fiction whatsoever. Sometimes I think it's gone to my head.
I can be walking down the stairs to take a piss, and long behold my sister has the exact same thought cross her mind. In the end, I beat her to the door, but she takes these nails of hers and digs them right into my shoulder socket. Hurts like **bleep** it does. First few times I didn't know she was there, so I did my best at a roundhouse kick.
What makes it worse is that she actually took a class on Karate, and is a registered black belt. Even if I could pull off a move or two, she'd have me down flat on my face before you could say "out!" She'll knock my balance off and then topple me onto my side. Embarrassing, but a plus as well. If I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't want to see her watch my sister kick my ass.
Oh, and my sister's seven. That's a nine year age difference.
Anyway, that about sums it up. Expect more stories and Tales of Adventure from me, coming to you live seven days a week.
God, I'm an dork.
05-30-2010 04:31 PM
Oh jeez! Well I'm not sure if its the begining of a story and whatnot but its really really great. ANd maybe you should post ore often.
07-01-2010 06:00 PM
Wow, that's the biggest compliment I've ever got! Thanks so much Kat-NE
07-02-2010 11:17 AM
The voice of this narrator is great. Such a fun read. Keep going!
Also, you might be interested in reading Tom Paine's The Anarchist Convention