In Love [ Edited ]

[YeLLoWmisT]

Hey guys, I need HONEST commenta-- don't care if positive or negative, as long as it's honest.

"In Love"

Whenever I see him,

I can't stop smiling.

Whenever he talks to me,

I could feel my heart leap.

Whenever he smiles at me,

I thought I'll burst.

Whenever our eyes met,

I thought I'll melt.

I'm in live with this guy

and I don't know what to do.

Love is something you can't buy.

For me, love is really new.

It's a very lovely feeling

that can cause heart-breaking.

My mind went crazy.

I don't know what to do.

The more I see him,

the more I'm in love with him.

The more we talk and the more he smiles,

the more my heart leaps for miles.

He is the perfect guy.

I'l love him 'till I die.

I just hope that he loves me too;

'Cause if not, I dunno what I can do.

_______________________________________

So what do you think?

[H-Butterfield]

I really liked the different imagery you used. I also really liked how you expressed thoughts and emotions in the poem. One thing I found slightly off was how you kept jumping from past to present tense and back again. You might want to look at it again and work out which one you would like to use for this poem. Other than that I thought it was great.

Keep Writing!

HB

[YeLLoWmisT]

Haha... you're right Butterfield! Sorry 'bout that.... When I read your comment, I can't help laughing.... haha... thanks!

[Paris22Liz]

I like it!  I can understand it since I was head over in heels in love with a handsome man.

I love poems about love!

Good writing

[YeLLoWmisT]

Haha... Thanks Paris!