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Wordsmith
Raestar15
Posts: 409
Registered: ‎12-14-2008
0 Kudos

My poem:)

When i was a child i wore my skin

Much to small for me to fit in

and as an adult i grew and grew

shedding my skin fresh and anew

 

shiny red perfect skin just as if i was born again

i wore my skin with pride and joy

like a child with a brand new toy

 

and as the years passed

i never once let my eyes wander to the once perfect skin

withered and hanging from the bone within

and as death took me

i let a single tear fall from my perfect eye

 

 

((Umm..This just popped into my head one night.What do you think?)) 

Zoey:smileyfrustrated:pirit is what makes us unique,what gives us strength,and it is what lives on after our bodies are no more.
~House of Night~

Laurel it if you like it!!!
~Rae
Frequent Contributor
A.Tross
Posts: 109
Registered: ‎12-30-2008
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Re: My poem:)

I like everything except the last line; I don't know, it just doesn't fit.

 

I'm just wondering- is it a changeling or something? Sorry, a fantasy person tends to analyze things this way lol

*I am no poet.
Yet the words bite, scream, and scratch within me, until I release them from their imprisonment, forever stained in black and white.*
Yeah, I said it.
Contributor
just-me23
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎04-07-2009
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Re: My poem:)

I loved it but i have to agree the last line..change that and itll be amazing. truely different
Inspired Wordsmith
twilight_fanatic_01
Posts: 1,162
Registered: ‎01-02-2009
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Re: My poem:)

Ditto. I liked the poem, but the last line could've been better. But heck, poetry is for getting your thoughts/feelings down in stanzas! So who am I to critique it?

 

"Even Supergirl has her kryptonite."

-A quote by moi