Since 1997, you’ve been coming to BarnesandNoble.com to discuss everything from Stephen King to writing to Harry Potter. You’ve made our site more than a place to discover your next book: you’ve made it a community. But like all things internet, BN.com is growing and changing. We've said goodbye to our community message boards—but that doesn’t mean we won’t still be a place for adventurous readers to connect and discover.

Now, you can explore the most exciting new titles (and remember the classics) at the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. Check out conversations with authors like Jeff VanderMeer and Gary Shteyngart at the B&N Review, and browse write-ups of the best in literary fiction. Come to our Facebook page to weigh in on what it means to be a book nerd. Browse digital deals on the NOOK blog, tweet about books with us,or self-publish your latest novella with NOOK Press. And for those of you looking for support for your NOOK, the NOOK Support Forums will still be here.

We will continue to provide you with books that make you turn pages well past midnight, discover new worlds, and reunite with old friends. And we hope that you’ll continue to tell us how you’re doing, what you’re reading, and what books mean to you.

Reply
Correspondent
JamieScott
Posts: 58
Registered: ‎06-13-2009

Poem-- Do you like it?

Here's a poem I've been working on.  What do you think?

 

 

 

Sympathy Pains

good morning mourning me
would you like a cup of despondency?
of course. i'm sure you do...
It tastes a bit like dampened dew.
Welcome to this morning.
A burning surprise without warning.
Well, let me tell you what you've won
oh that's right. the rising sun.
your shuddering shutters are the victor
so readjust your focus and take a picture
because now's the time to forget the time.
and blindly proceed down the receiving line...

*****
...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath
Inspired Wordsmith
twilight_fanatic_01
Posts: 1,162
Registered: ‎01-02-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

This was a good poem. I liked how you made it rhyme and the opening line "Good morning mourning me" especially. I found it quite poetic. Good job!

Wordsmith
Zack_Kullis
Posts: 235
Registered: ‎02-27-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

Hello Jamie!!!

 

Okay, where to start....

 

I REALLY liked your poem!!  Some poems I can get in one glance, and don't require much time.  Other poems, like yours, take me by the eyelids and I find myself reading and reading again.  I read many different things in this poem, and I saw different interpretations.

 

Like twilight, I enjoyed your use of "morning and mourning" which tied in well with "shuddering shutters".

 

"would you like a cup of despondency?" was great!!  I know I have mornings when I wake up and thin..."Crap....  Another day of (fill in your choice of explicative here)!"  This captures that feeling very well!

 

One other thing is that it had a tempo that I really enjoyed. 

 

Very nice work Jamie!!

Sic volvere Parcas...
Correspondent
JamieScott
Posts: 58
Registered: ‎06-13-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

Thanks so much for your comments. I'm so glad you guys like it! 

 

This was definitely one of those mornings where I just couldn't fathom getting out of bed and having to drag myself through the day.  That's where the line "And blindly proceed down the receiving line" came from.  The "receiving line" is refering to morning, noon and night.  This is supposed to show how a lot of people (including me that morning) wake up annoyed at the sun for causing a new day and just let their eyes take a snapshot what they first see and then drift through the rest of the day like they're still asleep- basically just go through the motions completely in denial that they're alive.  This poem was originally written when I was working in finance and I think it represents a common experience among bankers and cubicle monkeys.  I am thankfully no longer in that industry.  :smileyhappy:

*****
...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath
Wordsmith
Zack_Kullis
Posts: 235
Registered: ‎02-27-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

Cubicle monkeys, I love it!!  :smileyvery-happy:

 

When I was a cubicle monkey during college, it always struck me as looking like a bunch of gophers with people periodically poking their heads above their cubicle to see what was going on, or keeping an eye out for the "predator" (aka the boss).

 

I can relate totally!!

Sic volvere Parcas...
Contributor
ChaseTheSunset
Posts: 17
Registered: ‎07-13-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

Dude.  This is seriously what's up.  Excellent, excellent (:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world."
Scribe
redheart52
Posts: 790
Registered: ‎12-25-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

Despondency is such a great word! I liked how you made in your poem a kind of conversation and had it rhyme. I also liked the assonance in the beginning of your poem. Great job with incorporating figurtive language into your poem. It gives it a flare.  
Correspondent
JamieScott
Posts: 58
Registered: ‎06-13-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

Thanks so much for your comments!!  So glad it resonated!  
*****
...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath
Distinguished Wordsmith
BeeZnEEz101
Posts: 494
Registered: ‎03-11-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

your first line is very clever and the overall poem is witty and well put together and

 

your occasional usage of alliterations adds a lot to ur poem 

Correspondent
JamieScott
Posts: 58
Registered: ‎06-13-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

Thanks so much!  So glad you think it's clever!  That's a huge compliment!  :smileyhappy: 
*****
...everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath
Frequent Contributor
Sarah101
Posts: 29
Registered: ‎07-24-2009
0 Kudos

Re: Poem-- Do you like it?

Here's a poem I think.                   

 

 

 

 

 

the sun goes down 

my heart starts to pound 

I'm all alone now 

with nothing but the darkness that surrounds me