Possible Chp. 1

[tiffany57]

Okay, here is a short part of my story.  Feel free to say EXACTLY what your thinking.  It will help me A LOT!!!  Thanks you.  Here are a few questions.

1. Should I keep writing?

2.Why?

3. From 1-10 with 10 being the highest, rate it.

4. Other info/ feedback.

Thanks.

Chapter one

          I slam my locker door shut and quickly jog down the hall in response of the late bell ringing.  My English textbook and notebook bounces as I start running.  A few students are casually walking down the halls like nothing will happen when the classroom door shuts and a present is giving.  Detention.  My converse thump against the carpet as I turn right.  Mrs.. Hate's class is right down the hall, to the left.  And as far away as possible, just my luck.  I've been switched to her class because I was so good at English, they moved me up to eleventh grade English.  Hearing rumors about Mrs.. Hate "the piece of bait" (whatever that's supposed to mean) made me even more nevous.  "My brother said that she doesn't even let you sneeze in her class.  And even if you do, she'll take you down to the school's basement and choke you.  Later, she'll eat you alive."  I remember Grace saying at lunch yesterday.  "Watch out." 

          Approaching her classroom, I let a huge gulp of air down my throat.  Slowly moving my hand to the dorr handle, I tried to turn my quesy stomach into a nice firm stomach like in gymnastics.  The cold handle sent a spine-chilling sence thoughout my body.  Stepping into the room, I quickly looked for someone who might be a murderer on the loose.  "Hello?  May I help you?"  I nice, sweet, gental voice came out from the back of the classroom.  I turned my head, quickly.  "My name is Mrs. Hate."  An average hieght woman came out from behind a bookself to greet me with an arm exteneded.  A smile fell on her face and her blue eyes looked at me. 

         Extending my arm out also to shake, I introduced my self, quitly, so no one could hear.  "My name is Lesley Barnes."

           "Ah, Lesley.  Lesley Barnes.  What a nice name.  you know that there's a bookstore called Barnes and Nob-"  She said loudly.  Everyone in the huge classroom was looking at me and I tried not to look back to make any type of eye contact.  "Lesley, why don't you introduce yourself?"  Mrs. Hate whispered.  "Go to the front of the class room and share your name and one thing about you."  She didn't seem like what Grace said, but who knows. 

            "Uh... okay."  I lied, dragging my feet to the front of the class.  Whisptering, i shared.  "My name is Lesley and I..."  I tried to think of a hobby, but it was hard to do with all these eyes on me.  "Do gymnastics."  Mrs. Hate ran up beside me and whispered in my ear.

          "Why don't you share where you came from?"  What?  I wanted to ask.  Not saying anthing, Mrs. Hate continued.  "What school did you used to go to?" 

          "I'm not new, i trasfered classes."

          "Oh... you're Lesley Barnes.  Ah...sorry."  She faced the class now.  "Students, please meet Lesley.  she is in tenth grade and was bumped up to this lovley eleventh grade class."  A hand in the back raised from a girl dressed in all black.

          "So, this not-new girl is like, smart or something?" 

          Mrs. Hate looked at me like my feelings were hurt (they wern't), then the class.  "Now Juliet, could we only say something if it is nice?"

          "That was nice."

          A huge sigh left Mrs.Hate's tiny body, "Yes."  She faced me again, and talked.  "Have a seat here please."  She pointed to a seat in the back, next to Juilet.  Walking there, I kept my head down and tried not to notice Juliet's dark eyes watching me.  "Okay class, please take out your textbooks and flip to page five hundered and ninty-eight."

Unpublished Work Copyright 2010 Tiffany Lantz

[Kat-NE]

1 & 2.  Well, first of all, I don't think anyone should say if you should of should not keep writing (this story or anything else).  If you enjoy it, I think you should keep going.  You seem to know where you want the story to go, and how your main character is perceived by others and how the character perceives others.

3. 7 (mainly because of grammer/punctuation errors).

4. If your not sure about the story, maybe write some more, see if you can take the story where you want to, before you move on (If that is something you're worried about).

[tiffany57]

1 and 2- I do argue... But I wanted to see if people thought that it was good enough to continue, but good point.

3. Yes, there were lots of grammar errors(I'm not the best ) (not to be rude, but you spelt grammar wrong... Sorry.  I just had to point that out... Sorry)

4.Well, I'm not even sure if I'll continue with this idea/story I just wanted to see if people like it.  Maybe I'll continue.  I'm not too sure.  And yes, I am worried about that. 

Thanks, I'm in a tough spot write now.  Thanks again though!

[Kat-NE]

Whoops.  Just for the record, it was very late and I had been up since six that morning.

[tiffany57]

Yeah, sorry if I hurt your feelings though. ;P

[Kat-NE]

No worries.  I try not to think of all the silly things I do these days.  It will probably get worse with age.