Prologue -- Please add on!

[marilynpsychic]

(This is a Prologue to a new book.  You'll have to at least pretend to have a belief in Reincarnation.  Which is the idea that Souls come back numerous times in different bodies to learn and experience, to cash-in on Good Karma and pay-off Bad Karma.  I'd really like to see how all of you bright writers would add to it!)

As the memories of the pain and gooey-ness of being born faded away, he opened his eyes.  Evrything was unfocused and blurry to his just-born eyes.  But his newly-arrived Soul to this tiny body was furious!  The feel of the cloth around him, the smells, even the sunny glare thru the windows were all wrong.  This was NOT what he'd expected to be born into!

Was this another of an unforgiving God's jokes?  Or was this yet more meddling by that long-ago witch who thought she was his mother forever?  (She'd neve come back, of course, preferring that once-powerful persona, even in Spirit, to being born as a nobody.)

He suddenly burst out screaming, tiny fists flailing.  Several women rushed over, soothing voices and concerned hands tucking him in.  But he didn't recognize their words or language.

What trickery was this? as he screamed even louder.  How would he ever fulfill That Prophecy, if he had to grow up in a strange land with strange people?  He'd once touched Greatness, after all.  And he still had Great Things to do!  His eternal witch-mother had told him so.  But now ...

(Ok, I'm trying to learn how to write magical characters.  So I'd like your help, from suggestions and comments, to adding on to what I've written.  You can even help me decide who this character is.  A vampire?  A reborn, once legendary historical figure? Mordred?  Thanks!)

[Bookworm650789]

Hey, i like the idea. I'm actually hindu so I do believe in reincarnation. Lol. So, I was wondering, how r u going to continue it? Like, r u going to show his whole life or skip ahead to another age?

From the tone of his mental voice, he sounds evil. Idk if thats true but maybe expand on that idea. This is a teen book but if u've ever read Avalon High by Meg Cabot, it shows all of king Arthur's court being reborn as somebody else. So I'm saying that idea is a bit used but if u could add some kind of twist, that'd be cool.

The thing about magical characters is that u cando anything with them. They rlly have no limits. And they're kind of fun to play with so just make them believable yet fantastical (if that makes sense)

Anywayz, Good Job! I liked it. Keep writing.

[marilynpsychic]

Hi Bookworm!

Thanks for the feedback.  I guess the lead character can't be Mordred, since that's been done. 

I didn't mean to make him sound evil, mainly confused and betrayed.  The Soul just settling into the newborn's body was furious, having been lead to believe he was going to be born into different circumstances.

I'd probably jump ahead to the point that he was a walking, talking child.  He would have adjusted to his life, somewhat, but his eternal witch-mother would be whispering to him in dreams, trying to push him in one direction or another.  As a child, he would be doing what the witch-mother wants, since he wouldn't fully understand her motivations.

I'm still working on who or what he is.  But thanks for clueing me in on Mordred.

[Lady_Fought]

I think it would be really interesting if the character was a hero of some sort who ends up doing something fantastic (I'll leave that to your imagination) but as he has to live life from childhood all over again maybe he ends up forgetting who he is and what he is meant to do as a result of the years it takes for him to grow and mature to do what he was sent to do. But as the witch woman is sending him dreams and such he thinks he is insane and spends a portion of his life trying to overcome the 'voice' in his head and get rid of the 'nightmares' but then an event jocks his memory and things start coming back to him that allow him to fulfill his destiny.

Just a thought.

[Oceandweller777]

Hi There!!

    I liked what I read. 

    I'm open minded, so reincarnation is easily within the spectrum. 

    I like that you wrote this character and to the reader he's evil, but you haven't decided yet.  I love books where there is a great twist.

    He could be an arrogant hero who isn't happy without his finery.  He could be sin incarnate.  We won't know unless we read more and I would read more.

    The problem I've encountered when working with magical characters is knowing where to stop.  You want them to be able to do so much because they're magical.  It helps me to draw a line. 

    If you think about the sci-fi/fantasy you read there is always a limit.  For example, Twilight, (I'm sorry Twilight fans, please don't scratch my eyes out) I haven't read the book but Edward is stronger and faster than the others. 

    The greatest ones are the ones with the most magical power, the most abilities.  He might excell at somethings, but balance him out. 

    The antagonist is the one who should be best at everything.  He's the one to overcome, but our hero has to make some strides so we believe it.

     Writing about magic is a very personal thing to do.  It takes a lot out of you to keep reimagining something in 10 different ways so the spell your character just cast doesn't resemble the others he cast in the last 3 chapters.

     Keep it coming, I'd love to read more.

~Phill 

[marilynpsychic]

Hi LadyFought and Oceandweller!

Very interesting thoughts.  Thanks for your feedback.  I may post another entry, you've got my creative juices going again!

[marilynpsychic]

OK, guilty as charged!  I pulled my one attempt at an excerpt up from a post last year.  Different people are posting now, and I thought maybe some of them would like to comment.

Please -- let me know what you think!  All constructive criticism welcome and appreciated.  Thanks!

[twilight_fanat…]

Well, Marilyn, I'm very interested in seeing how this story turns out! The concept of Reincarnation is not overly difficult for the reader to grasp, so I think this is definitely a good start to your book! Good luck :-)

[Zack_Kullis]

(I like it Marilyn!  Since you asked for an add-on, I thought I would give it a go.  I am not sure if you have particular time and/or place in mind, so I am throwing something out there.  My thought on this figure was that it could be a legendary historical figure, finally moving on to the incarnation where he would play his role.)

....  But now, it seems the prophecy was placed out of his reach again.  He had been promised a chance for glory, to be loved and feared, and to be remembered throughout all time.  His witch mother had given him pieces of vision of his coming to glory, and these visions spoke of vast power and ability.  Yet here he was.  A humble room without fanfare, a new infant again.

As in his previous incarnations, his previous life and memories remained with him for a few hours.  Slowly, like a fog slowly drifting off the sea and engulfing the beach, the memories began to slip.  He was soon to be a helpless babe.  His little fingers clenched again and with a shrill scream he fought to hold on to his understanding.  With a spark of curiosity, he realized that the women who were helping his new birth mother appeared to show her an uncommon amount of respect.

A bowl of what smelled like wine was brought over and placed on a table.  Before he realized what was going on, he was placed in the bowl and bathed in the wine.  He became furious and screamed and fought with what little physical ability that he could muster.  For some reason this seemed to please the women, especially his new birth mother.  His grip on his past was quickly fading as he was placed back in his mother's arms. 

Mother?  Wasn't there another?

The new mother looked in his eyes and spoke  in a strange tongue that he would need to spend a few years learning.  Then she said something that seemed to be important.  She rubbed his head, a smile on her face, and spoke something that he thought might be his name.  Before the last of his memories faded like the red sun in the west, she spoke his name.

"Leonidas."

[marilynpsychic]

Thanks TF and Zack, for the positive feedback!

Your add-on was very interesting, Zack.  Your writing is beautifully evocative, as always.  The original story I had in mind, was that he was Once Great (or notorious), in a previous lifetime, and can't seem to move on and learn in more mundane lives.  He's just stuck on Being Great, egged on by his once-witch-mother.

But you turned that around, so that his true greatness will come in this lifetime.  Interesting!

I'm not sure where this story is going, or if I'll post another excerpt.  But I thank everyone who contributed their thoughts and ideas!

[A.Tross]

---

marilynpsychic wrote:

Hi Bookworm!

Thanks for the feedback.  I guess the lead character can't be Mordred, since that's been done. 

I didn't mean to make him sound evil, mainly confused and betrayed.  The Soul just settling into the newborn's body was furious, having been lead to believe he was going to be born into different circumstances.

I'd probably jump ahead to the point that he was a walking, talking child.  He would have adjusted to his life, somewhat, but his eternal witch-mother would be whispering to him in dreams, trying to push him in one direction or another.  As a child, he would be doing what the witch-mother wants, since he wouldn't fully understand her motivations.

I'm still working on who or what he is.  But thanks for clueing me in on Mordred.

---

IDEA STEALER! Kidding, Marylin.. sorta. xD

[marilynpsychic]

Heavens, A. Tross -- calm down!

I have no current interest in working on, or even finishing that Prologue.  I just got hooked on that one aspect of Mordred, of a male child encompassed, even in future lives, but a witch-mother who won't let him go.  So I was just playing around, toying with that idea.  Sort of my own Writing Exercise, like Brandi posts.

So publish your book!  There have been past books on Mordred, and probably ones to come as well.  And you know me, if I did venture into a retelling of the Arthurian saga, it would probably be around Merlin.

[Flowering]

Hello! I like it, and I think this story is an excellent chance at capturing a non-human soul to experience human feelings, like emberassment, love, fear, and all those instinctive emotions we feel. It shouldnt be to hard, since you are after all, a human. haha. (or are you?) just kidding.

idk, just a thought.  

[Jane_Doe]

It's an interesting thought to be brought into life, and its interesting that you chose to make the baby so lucid. I have no idea how I would progress through the story because its your idea, but it is definitly a cool idea. 

[marilynpsychic]

Thanks to the recent contributors!

Jane Doe says "...interesting that you chose to make the baby so lucid."  Actually, some believers of reincarnation believe that some young children retain memories of their most recent past life, which fade and are gone by 5.  India (which is hindu, I believe, and has a wide-spread belief in reincarnation; see the first poster's comments) has reported on very young children who would take their parents to a house in a different neighborhood, and proclaim "I used to live here", or "Who are these strange people in my house?", or even "Where is my wife?" (and this is a young child saying this!)

There are also the priestly lamas in Asia.  When a lama dies, everyone in the country is watching every male baby born, to see if he has the reborn soul of the deceased lama.  If suspected, a baby is sat down surrounded by toys and trinkets, with some of the deceased lama's possessions mixed in.  If the baby focuses on the deceased lama's possession, it is decided if this child is indeed the reborn lama.

This is all probably only loosely related to my Prologue and postings.  But we writers should be interested in everything, even "fringe" beliefs to us, that whole foreign cultures nonetheless embrace.

[H-Butterfield]

I thought it was a really good idea. I saw the character as a hero or an emperor who did not get to fulfill his destiny or he made a mistake and took a wrong path. He might have been sent back to do it over again. Maybe he was Antony, Hannibal, or William Wallace. He could be anyone you want him to be. Have fun with it!

Keep Writing!

HB

[marilynpsychic]

Hi H-B!

Thanks for your kind words and encouragement.  And I appreciate the fact that you perfectly understood my main character.  That the lucid-baby is furious to fulfill some destiny, or right the wrongs from a past life.  I may yet take another stab at it!