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Frequent Contributor
Baker
Posts: 236
Registered: ‎09-26-2007
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Short story

This actually happened to me but so of it is made up but it makes a great story in school.

Today I have to get my blood taken. Now I never used to be afraid of needles so I was perfectly fine until I saw the needle. All my friends say I have nerves of steel well they can all rethink that. Once I see the needle I'm in complete panic mode. Im thinking that I'm going to my execution or something. While all this is going on in my head my mom is talking to the doctor about what is wrong with me. The nurse is about to shove that giant needle into my left arm and I'm terrified so I do the most natural thing I could think of. I punched the nurse in the face. Now the doctor and my mom notice how freaked I am about the needle and everything so they tell me to calm down. That does not help at all though it makes me get even worse. I jump off the table a run out of the room and into some other place in the doctors office. While they're searching for me I'm thinking of an escape route and when I finally get one they find me. That was so not cool. They had to pratically strap me down on the table to get the blood drawn. When it's finally done and over with they give me a lollipop. Yeah like that helped any for the half an hour before that.

Well what do you think. It does sound better when I'm telling it in person though.
Baker
Frequent Contributor
zip_zap_zop
Posts: 485
Registered: ‎06-17-2007
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Re: Short story

hey baker!

i like it! funny, entertaining. it would make a really good...hmm...what's the word...well short story. this is a good summary, and it would be cool if you added details to make it more interesting. also, putting it in past tense would make it sound more natural. over all, i would work on it but it has great potential! :smileyvery-happy:







page




ps...sorry if i sound harsh! i just don't want to give you false information. :smileyhappy:
"line?"
ABI
Frequent Contributor
ABI
Posts: 2,577
Registered: ‎07-19-2007
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Re: Short story

I like the tense. past tense is too traditional. I mean, great, and I'm writing in it at the moment, but present gives it a...flare.

don't listen to zip!
"There is nothing easier than self-deceit."
"Bombing for peace is like f***ing for virginity"
"There is no such thing as death, only the absence of life."
"There is no end, unless you let it."
Frequent Contributor
mrsronaldweasley
Posts: 3,373
Registered: ‎07-26-2007
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Re: Short story

Zu nat (a French accent you see) listen zu zem! You listen to me!
Lol

That was really funny! I love short stories. They entertaining and easy to read! Lol
Give us more please? Short stories okay?
o’~aNd I'm So Sad, LikE a GoOd BooK, I caN't PuT tHis Day BacK~’o
Frequent Contributor
zip_zap_zop
Posts: 485
Registered: ‎06-17-2007
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Re: Short story

did i sound like dezdura?? if i did i'm sorry. but i think abi said it--if people don't give the truth about writing, people won't improve!


but hey, baker...i was in a crabby mood the other day...so sorry. i really did like it, and you should post more!










love zip
"line?"
Frequent Contributor
Baker
Posts: 236
Registered: ‎09-26-2007
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Re: Short story

If i come up with anymore stories i'll post them now. u guys aren't being to harsh. But something funny has to actually happen to me first before i can write another one. Oh yeah zip i had to put something on because my friend stole the other story i was gonna put up.
Baker
Frequent Contributor
zip_zap_zop
Posts: 485
Registered: ‎06-17-2007
0 Kudos

Re: Short story

you got it sista! :smileyvery-happy:
"line?"
Frequent Contributor
Baker
Posts: 236
Registered: ‎09-26-2007
0 Kudos

Re: Short story

My dad and i were out in the woods this weekend so maybe i'll write something about that idk. but its more likly i won't have time because i have to read a story in class and sumrise it. I got it i have to make one about my ogre of a brother. Yeah that's perfect. i'll get right on it.
Baker