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Contributor
ToriSky16
Posts: 19
Registered: ‎07-22-2009

The Sounds of Feeling

Any feedback is greatly appreciated, please let me know what you think so I can continue to improve. Thanks!

 

The Sounds of Feeling

 

Ears erect with puzzled awe.

I lean to press my ear,

Against the obstruction invading my perception.

The door opens wide,

I am sucked inside.

Voices and instruments colliding with dexterous precision.

 

I lift my head up to the ominous light,

Craning my neck at the wondrous beauty that has enveloped me.

My eyes are wide,

My ears erect,

My senses heightened with feeling.

Feeling emanating from the sounds.

 

They burrow themselves through my thoughts,

Making a home in my heart.

Piercing the hearing through sound waves of passion.

They hold meaning within,

They can heal open wounds.

This is what feelings sound like.

 

No matter who am I,

No matter where I am,

They will find me and make their way in.

Pulsing to the beat of my heart.

The sounds radiate sensation and emotion,

I can feel the experience washing over me.

No matter the destination,

No matter the mood,

The sounds are always there to guide me.

 

I let the beauty take over me,

Listening to the brilliance in harmony.

This is a gift,

A gift of feeling.

Opening my ears and expanding my mind,

I let myself truly feel.

Inspired Wordsmith
twilight_fanatic_01
Posts: 1,162
Registered: ‎01-02-2009
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Re: The Sounds of Feeling

Ack...everything in this poem so totally knocks against the walls of my heart! I am reminded of things that I have held myself back from for so long, and it sends pangs of sorrow through my veins. This is an excellent poem for you to make me feel in this way :-)

 

My only complaint is that though you are descriptive and you are writing using free style poetry, your lines are somewhat choppy and need to be shortened in areas. Such as the words "voices and instruments colliding with dexterous precision" would do best divided into two lines, not just one.

Scribe
redheart52
Posts: 790
Registered: ‎12-25-2008
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Re: The Sounds of Feeling

I agree with twilightfanatic. Some of those longer lines could be cut in half. By the way, good job with the punctuation. :smileywink: I like the way you write with such details and emotion. I liked it.
Contributor
ToriSky16
Posts: 19
Registered: ‎07-22-2009
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Re: The Sounds of Feeling

Thanks! And thanks for the advice, I agree. Sometimes I just get carried away and end up carrying on in some lines. I appreciate the feedback.
Inspired Wordsmith
random97
Posts: 740
Registered: ‎06-23-2009
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Re: The Sounds of Feeling

[ Edited ]

wow, again, im breathless. i really like the last 2 stanzas. you are truely brilliant. you write with sich emotion and passion, and truthfullness. once again(like the skin poem post i said) i love so many stories and exerpts and poems, i wish i could put them in a pocked near my heart and hold on to them, remember them, share them, feel them.

 

 

Message Edited by random97 on 08-03-2009 02:16 AM
"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."