What do you think?Should I continue?

[tiffany57]

I started writing this the otherday... Tell me exactly what you think. 

Prologue

The notes have haunted me ever since I turned thirteen, two months ago.  Having no idea who their from, how they know me and find me, make me wonder if I know this person?  Or is it a stranger that hates me? 

I have lived with foster parents ever since I was a baby, I don't know where my real parents are, or who they are.  I refer to my foster parents as Mom and Dad because they are the only parents I "have".  Kara, my step mother is always trying to lose weight, although she is average size.  My step-father works as a security guard for the Summerset's bank.  He works evenings and night, so he always sleeps during day.  We live a few miles from town in a two-story farm house.  There is no farm, but we have a huge field, and we own tons of the woods next to our house.  (About two miles). 

I'm in ninth grade(I skipped a grade), well I'll be in ninth grade.  It's June and we just got off school last week.  It feels great to not have to follow rules and listen.  I'm not good at that, but I'll have to be if I want to live.

Chapter one

There were times in life when I felt frightened, scared, nervous, and threaten but never like this.  As I hold another death-threat in my left hand I experience all those feeling twice as bad.  My heart races and my breath quickens as I read over the neatly written letter over and over again. 

Watch yourself, or you won't be able to and neither will your family.  Don't hide, because I'll find you and you'll never find anything else again. 

I knew exactly what it meant; just like all the other letters: Death.  Setting down the note on my wooden vanity, then opening the second drawer from the bottom. 

A medium sized box sat in the drawer, filled with notes from the "almost about to kill me killer".  Slowly, I pulled the ancient box out, and I sat it beside the letter.  Opening the box, I place the letter in and put away the box.  The drawer clicked shut and I walked towards my cell phone, on my computer desk.  My bare feet tapped on the hardwood floors and the scent of cinnamon filled the room.  My breathing slowed and my heart began to go back to normal, still nervous about the letter.  I know that I'll relax in an hour or so, forget the whole thing, then get another one and get nervous again.

"Please pass the corn."  My Dad asked Mom.  He looked at her, then me.  "I'll be going to work soon."  My Mom picked up the big bowl of corn that was now nearly empty, to my Father.  "Thank you."  He smiled.

I smashed my mashed potatoes with my fork, and then shoved them around.  A plate filled with food, sat in front of me.  I looked down at the plate, still nervous about the death note.

Got to go... post more later.   

[Flowering]

I loved it. The mystery behind the notes. Although, many writer's agree that using examples and events as describing a character is key. So instead of saying, "I'm in ninth grade" explain your character going to school. That way you can not only describe your character, but also the lifestyle, people, and events. I love how you do dialouge though.

the way you described thier movements during dinner was very outstanding, and flexible. YOu could easily imagine it. I really liked it!! It was perfect how you showed so much action in one tiny sentence. It also revealed the characters personalities ever so slightly. It revealed they are polite and respectful.

ANyhoo, you should go on!! Write to your hearts content!

[tiffany57]

Thanks you Flowering!

I do agree that I should describe my character more instead of going out in saying "I'm in ninth grade."

I was editing the Prologue and the part of the Chapter one above (that's all I have written... So far) last night and I'll be sure to fix it.  I was acculy going to delete the dinner part because I thought it was really lame, but if you say it's good, it must be!  LOL

Thanks again.

P.S.. I have made a commitment(Is that how you spell it?) to finish this book so I won't be quitting!!

[Flowering]

Remmember Tiffany to use your own judgement. Never take everybody's advice to heart completly. I could be giving you the crappiest advice ever. I believe you are a good writer, so much that you can decide what you want to delete or keep in. Have fun with your book!

[tiffany57]

Thanks folowering!  i started adding some things and taking somethings out and it's coming together very nicley.  Is that a word?  I know I should know, but i just woke! I'll have to post it later.

[Serenity_]

That was very good.  As soon as I started reading I was captivated I wanted to know why she was receiving death threats, and I must admit I was rather disappointed that ended so quickly, lol.  My favorite part was when she was a walking across the floor I could picture it in my head.  Then when you wrote about how she knew she would calm down in an hour or so and forget about it until the next note came I felt very connected to this character because when I am nervous or scared I am that way for a little bit but after awhile I just calm down and forget about until something comes around to remind me. So, yes you should continue, and good luck with your writing.