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Contributor
bmeekers
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎06-25-2007

Will you please read this

This is the preface for a novel i'm writing. I just wanted your opinion. And yes i know its confusing, but some of it will be explained later in the story.


Zoran cupped his face in his hands, trying to avoid the thought of the upcoming event, but it was useless, “Kael. Laan.” He called his advisors to him.
“Yes, your lordship?”
“What do you suggest I do about Bahlia?”
“I did not know you two were having problems, sir,” Zoran thought of striking Kael for his ignorance, but he did not want to bring violence into his court by his own hand.
Laan looked at Kael pitifully. He knew Kael would pay for his stupidity, but to Laan’s surprise the god spoke calmly, “Kael, you are new to my domain. I sent for a wise man throughout the three kingdoms of Aedalmaer and my servant has brought you here to Adamann. It is funny you have not heard of my dispute… I shall tell you something known across the lands of Adamann and Tilataous. My love, Bahlia, is the goddess of the moon. She has three forms: the virgin, the mother, and the crone. Now you’ve heard the festival that is to occur soon in Faedun?” Kael nodded his head silently, “That festival celebrates Bahlia returning to her virgin form and there in lies my struggle.” Zoran let out a sigh of defeat, his hazel eyes a picture of sorrow.
Laan took this chance to speak, “My lord, not all is lost. You may sway the goddess yet,”
“That’s not the problem is it, Laan? She is mine, but she is not mine.” Kael looked towards Laan, puzzled, “With faeries, with fauns, with elves,” Zoran continued, “She has given her people many children in Tilataous. While I have waited eons and eons to have just a taste her gentle compassion… and she still hasn’t given me a child.” Zoran felt like weeping, but he pushed the feeling aside, waiting for his advisors’ strategy.
“Be persistent in your efforts this time.”
“I am always persistent, Kael,” Zoran snapped, angry at his own insufficiency.
“I know, sir, but this time don’t take no for an answer.”
“Kael, his lordship wouldn’t want to anger the goddess. That wouldn’t be a wise approach,” Laan cautioned.
Kael ignored his companion, “My lord, you are the Sun. A blaze of passion so bright, one cannot look upon your magnificence directly,” Zoran waved a hand at Kael, silencing his servant’s foolishness, “My point is, sire, that should you put as much passion in your efforts as you do to light the day, the goddess will relent.” Silence covered the empty hall where Zoran slouched in his throne.
“Perhaps you are right.” Zoran pondered Kael’s method.
“If Bahlia becomes rabid, think what it would mean for your people.” Laan urged the god to consider.
“Think of what it would mean for my people should she not conceive my child,” Zoran retorted.
“Sire−”
The god interrupted him, “−Kael, for my sake and yours, I hope you are right. The people have already started to rebel, and migrate towards Pehdryll. If your tactic does not work, I will ensure Ulric’s dogs make a chew toy of your head.”
-Bee