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New User
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎03-31-2009

Writing excercise

So, I usually write, as one of the characters. But I wanted to know how well I would do writing as more of the Narrator, or rather someone vieving the story, and not being actually "in" it.


So I had my sister throw a topic at me. I wrote, quickly. This took me maybe 5 min. So Just tell me what you think, if you wouldnt mind. Also If anyone else wants to jump in doing something like this, that would be kinda cool. Thanks.







     “Are you an Angel?” The boy asked eagerly
     “No,” replied the girl, “and if you love me you will not ask such questions again”
     “I’m sorry, my lady, but if thou art not a girl, nor angel, I fear I may never know your true identity”
     “Can your curiosity not be cured by my love?” She questioned, smiling. But she already knew what would be his answer. She had done this before. Too many times before.
     The boy got down on his knees before her. “I love you, Ariel, but I must know, please” he begged
     “If I tell you, you know what will become of you” she sighed 
     Again. It's happening, again, She thought
     The boy just smiled up at her. His greed for the knowing would cost him more then he could comprehend. He would die, never being able to enter the gates of heaven, nor the depths of Hell. He would be banished to the shadow world for eternity. There he would roam, hopelessly, endlessly, and with the shadow court he would dwell. He would take part In their wicked doings, and all of the good that was ever in his would cease to exist.
     She placed her hand on his cheek. Her fingers were as cold as ice, but her hands as warm as the summer air. “ I love you William. I love you more then any of those before you. Please do not ask me to tell you this.” She could feel the tears stinging the corners of her eyes. William , had been the first human Ariel had ever truly cared for. The one she wished she would never have to send to the shadow world.
     “I must know” he persisted “My life means very little to me in comparison, to this knowledge.”
     Ariel took a deep breath, and stood. “Rise, William. Stand before me, so that I may reveal my true identity to you” William stood, and with that Ariel, let her glamour fade. She was no longer in her human form. Her once dull blonde hair, now shone as brightly as the sun, her dull clothing changed into magnificent threads of green and gold. She was the epitome of beautiful. She was the Fall court queen. She was Fey.

Distinguished Wordsmith
Posts: 411
Registered: ‎11-06-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Writing excercise

I thought that was very well written for something you did in five minutes. I'm impressed! I like that for a spur-of-the-moment story, it didn't have a vampire....or, did it? :smileywink: Either way I really like what you've written and I think that's a great idea to change your view of the scene. From first-person to third. For me, it would be changing from third to first. I may have to do that... 
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. --Mark Twain
Distinguished Correspondent
Posts: 160
Registered: ‎12-28-2008
0 Kudos

Re: Writing excercise

This was amazing for something you did quickly. I love it! Writing exercises open up so many doors. I think I will try this. Thanks for the post.
"It is not what we say or feel that makes us what we are. It is what we do or fail to do."