08-09-2007 09:47 AM
08-09-2007 07:18 PM
Ok crazrick, here's the deal: you wanted honest feedback, I, as a reader, am going to give it to you.
And here's why:
Your writing is at publishable level - period.
You've got heart, you offer your soul, you don't stay too long on filler/descriptive details, but the ones you give are ones people can relate to. (The swish sound of the emergency room doors; who hasn't been there?, etc.)
You are so good, you merit honest feedback as a tool to make you 'perfect'. (I sound like a groupie, but I'm not; just a future fan.)
Here's what confuses me: “WOW! Is that our new TV?!” a dark-haired, brown-eyed preteen girl chirped, trotting up, becoming engulfed by the looming shadow of the large appliance.
Who the heck is she?
Who the heck is the pre-teen girl?
When I first wrote the story, it was in bits and pieces, as exercises for the original version of this little B&N group. I didn't always remember or really consider how old the little girl was, sometimes she was 5 or 6 or 7, depending on whtever chapter you read... The little girl pushing the TV is the same little girl, Katrina's daughter, Kaleigh.. don't know why I called her 'pre-teen' in this chapter when she was 5 or 6 or 7 in various other chapters... she is 6-years old, sure pre-teen, but not so mature and 'pre-teen' as say a 10 or 11-year old... again, apologies for that stumper.
What novel did you write (I'm interested in reading it (because of your particular writing style), and are you going to post the rest of your chapters (if any)?
Somewhere in here is another My Story of some sort... it's the first few chapters of my novel. It's called The Trouble With Bring Me a coming-of-age tale about a boy becoming a man, following his bigger, faster, stronger brother into the world, attending the same college, joining the same National Guard, making the same friends/enemies, always in the shadow of the bigger, faster, stronger brother... and a series of events that brings the hero out of the shadows and into the light. It's action-adventure-romantic-comedy mish-mash... it's almost 20-years old now, sitting on my hard drives collecting viruses... if I find it, I'll push it to the top of the page for y'all to give it a read... if you finish what's posted, I'll probably post the rest... it's long, 21 chapters, 150 pages or so. I think I've posted the first 10 chapters so far...
Thanks for the professional, enjoyable-yet-heartbreaking read.
You're welcome, future-fan! sorry it was so heart-wrenching, but I'm glad you hate me for being able to tell such a damnable and draining story.
Clarification needed...Do you intend this writing to be a screenplay or novel?
No, seriously, it's really good. It just needs a little more polishing and it needs to be on it's way. Just some little sentence structuring and things like that, the little stuff. And I'm not usually into screenplays, but a novel peaks my interest. Is it already published or is it in the process?
This little story is what I consider 'complete' as-is, a short-story. As suggested by most, there are those few areas that could use tweaking and revision, but, as it was just done as exercise for the oringinal incarnation of this club (as much as for my own therapeutic needs at the time...) I think it is DONE.
Good news/bad news, some of the characters and situations from this story may work their way into a new project currently in production, which is turning into a screenplay. Screenplay writing is still something I just tinker with, nothing serious, though I have written a few full-length efforts; the script containing references to these characters and situations will be my first official 'original' idea for a screenplay, so I'm kinda guarded and defensive and disheartened and pulling my hair out about it, depending on the day, and what progress I make pounding it onto the page...
Thanks again my 4 fans! As much fun as it is writing for therapy/for myself, it's nice to find some level of appreciation from a few of y'all...
08-09-2007 07:28 PM
yes and i do agree with who is the kid but all is is excellent!
"HOPE", "STRENGHT", "COMPASSION", AND "COURAGE" NOW AND FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!
08-10-2007 03:45 PM
Your novel sounds very interesting to me. 20 some odd years is a long time to gather dust. I'm going to have to go try and see if any of the first 10 chapters are archived anywhere until you find it. (And 150 pages isn't really long. In fact, I think that qualifies more as a novella than a novel. For perspective, the last Harry Potter book was over 750 pages long! Unless your saying it's not in the typical doublespaced manuscript format, but just 8 1/2 by 11 wordprocessing form. Then I think it's actually triple that. And THAT would be a nice length for a novel.)
Until you find it, I suppose I'll just have to wait for the whole thing...
08-10-2007 07:22 PM - edited 08-10-2007 07:25 PM
Message Edited by crAZRick on 08-10-2007 06:25 PM
08-10-2007 10:32 PM
Now I've got something fun and interesting to do this weekend!
(I know that sounds like I don't have a life ... I do. Mostly.)
You said you were glad I hated you. I never said I hated you. Your story filled me with angst and appreciation. ("Can't wait to see what your writing does to me this weekend", she said wryly...)
I'll let you know! Keep going Rick, obviously you're developing quite the little fan base!