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magic_goddess16
Posts: 23
Registered: ‎05-14-2007
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help with a story, please.

ok, here is what I have so far:

A young village girl named Haruhi Lynn Swyft is, as everyone thinks, just a normal, everyday farmer who lives with her older cousin, who is actually her only known living relative. One day, a group of soldiers come into the village, which is called Larain, looking for able men and women to aid in their journey back to their homeland, Valia. Haruhi offers her services as a medic since her cousin is not going due to his old injury, but tells her to go see the world, like she wants to. None of them yet know of the evil Warlock/Necromancer named Kielv'd, who is of the Ancient Blood of the Old Kings. Kielv'd was thought to be dead, except his brother, the Good King Zachary, doesn't quite believe that. For that reason, he tries to make sure his son, Benedict (Ben), is fully aware of possible danger, and ready to face it when, if at all, it comes. Anyway, on the journey, the soldiers are attacked by a group of demons who are, for a reason I will say in a moment, are trying to learn Haruhi's identity, and take her to Kielv'd. Kielv'd has no heir, and his wife ran away 17 years ago, to some hidden place on the mainland. It turns out, as Haruhi finds, at the end of the first book (once it's completed anyway) that she is the daughter of Rosalind, who was the wife of Kielv'd back when he was not evil. She ran away when he turned to the dark magics, which eventually overtook his soul and body, and, took with her, the child she was carrying.

What do you think of that idea?


Unfortunately, I can't think of a title, and the story is only just started. I want to make it into a series, but I'm having problems with names for that, too.
"I have recently learned that there are no stupid questions. There are only the stupid people who ask the questions."
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Celestial_Skies
Posts: 35
Registered: ‎04-22-2007
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Re: help with a story, please.

Hi there...

I like the idea for your story...it could have lots of adventure/drama and some mystery...and as far as the title I like the first name of your Character...it is interesting and attracting...Haruhi
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magic_goddess16
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Registered: ‎05-14-2007
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Re: help with a story, please.

thank you. I'm still working on it, but, another user here said to try and make names unique and appealing, so I'm working on it.
"I have recently learned that there are no stupid questions. There are only the stupid people who ask the questions."
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magic_goddess16
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Registered: ‎05-14-2007
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Re: help with a story, please. well, writing practice now.

It was a peaceful midsummer afternoon in the countryside of the Alasdairi Kingdom. All was as it should be. In the small village of Larain, the folk went about their business, content. in the main square, children ran and played under the watchful eyes of elders; Out in a large cornfield, an older man stood up and wiped the sweat from his brow before returning to his work; On a grassy knoll just outside the village, a young girl lay gazing at the clouds as they drifted lazily through the sky; And on the dirt road leading into the cluster of homes, a young man drove a wagon full of needed goods requested by his fellows. He smiled as he saw his own farm up ahead on a hill. Seeing him, the girl on the hill sat up, the sunlight practically dancing in eyes the color of newly-grown grass. She got up, brushing dirt off of her tanned leathers before running to greet him.
"Hail, cousin! Welcome home!" she called, waving.
He waved back, and replied,"It is good to be back!"
He pulled the old horse to a halt as she reached him.
This was Calvin Baker, an eighteen year-old boy, and older cousin of the girl.
She, a sixteen year-old, was his only living family. Her name was Haruhi Lynn Swyft.
"You have been gone too long." Haruhi told Calvin, climbing up to sit beside him.
He made the old nag walk again, pulling the cart further towards home.
"Nay, Haruhi, it has only been a fortnight." He replied.
Haruhi shook her head, red-gold curls shimmering in the sunlight.
"I think more, but you only say 'Nay' to taunt poor Eali." she said, leaning forward to pat the horse, who whickered. "See? He agrees with me." She said.
"Perhaps he disagrees, telling you Nay, it has been far shorter than you may say." He grinned as she pushed him in a friendly manner.
"Stop it, Cal! You'll end up irritating him." She made a strange face. "Besides, who knows what 'Nay' means in horse language? You might really have offended him."
Calvin laughed, and the the wagon stopped, as they had reached Larain.

I'll be back monday. If you have any advice, or ways of improvement, please let me know.
"I have recently learned that there are no stupid questions. There are only the stupid people who ask the questions."
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Celestial_Skies
Posts: 35
Registered: ‎04-22-2007
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Re: help with a story, please. well, writing practice now.

I am a little in the dark on how you pronounce her name...and abuot the title...and names, in my personal opinion sometimes when you try too hard to have unique names and such it gets confusing. I am not saying that unique names are a bad thing, but common ones have a lot to lend to the writing too...

Celestial
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TeenReader
Posts: 48
Registered: ‎05-03-2007
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Re: help with a story, please.

That's very in depth and interesting. It has a lot of potential as far as titles go I'm no use I'm still trying to come up with names for my main character and its been like a year.
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magic_goddess16
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Registered: ‎05-14-2007
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Re: help with a story, please. well, writing practice now.

[ Edited ]

Celestial_Skies wrote:
I am a little in the dark on how you pronounce her name...and abuot the title...and names, in my personal opinion sometimes when you try too hard to have unique names and such it gets confusing. I am not saying that unique names are a bad thing, but common ones have a lot to lend to the writing too...

Celestial





sorry about the name pronunciation. Hers is the only really weird one, besides a dark knight's.

here it is:
Haruhi (huh-roo-E) Lynn (lin) Swyft (swift)

The knight's name is pronounced:
Sir Laos (Lay-us) Perth (pearth)

Oh, and the evil guy's name is:
Kielv'd (key-el-vid)

does that help?

Message Edited by magic_goddess16 on 05-21-200711:35 AM

"I have recently learned that there are no stupid questions. There are only the stupid people who ask the questions."