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Inspired Contributor
books4life48
Posts: 168
Registered: 12-06-2009
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short story

  This is one of my short stories. hope u like it! p.s. i thought of it during history class,so it might not be good.

 

                            As the fierce wind whipped my long blond hair around my face,  i said goodbye to one of my closest and dearest friends. My husband. He was leaving to join the military and was supposed to return home in a year. As he boarded the bus that would eventually take him to fullfill his dream, I cried silently, for I wanted to support him.  The bus drove away, leaving me to wallow in despair. I hope he comes back, I thought. I wish I had never let him leave. Maybe things would be different.....

                           I never got a phone call or a letter of some sort during the first 6 months. Is that good or bad? i thought. I didn't know where he was, but I knew he wasn't dead. With no children to keep me company, I was all alone in our big, dark house. Please come home soon, sweetie. I prayed for him every night. Evidently, it wasn't enough to stop the tragedy that would change our lives forever......

                           

~Yes*We*Have*No*Bananas~ XD
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Brandi_R
Posts: 1,578
Registered: 10-19-2006
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Re: short story

Great conflict! She's missing her husband and anxious that she's not heard from him. Making her house big and dark is a great use of place to compliment her mood. You might give even more specific details--of the house, of what she notices about her husband as he boards the bus, and so forth. That will help put the reader more fully in the moment with her.

 

Is this meant to be a complete short story or the start of one? It seems like a great set up for a longer piece.

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Inspired Contributor
books4life48
Posts: 168
Registered: 12-06-2009
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Re: short story

  thanx for the compliment! :smileyhappy: i honestly dont no if i want 2 make it a longer story or keep it short... thx for the idea about adding details. i was going to but i didnt want to make the story 2 long

~Yes*We*Have*No*Bananas~ XD
Distinguished Scribe
tiffany57
Posts: 763
Registered: 08-20-2009
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Re: short story

I agree with Brandi_R. 

 

I can't wait to read more.  Will you write more? 

If there is a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, you must write it. -Toni Morrison
Inspired Correspondent
passi0nate_1
Posts: 343
Registered: 06-14-2008
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Re: short story

Great story!! It has a good flow and an interesting feel to it. Sounds like it could be a good beginning or maybe end of a longer story , but very cool as is also.

Music is the cure.
I am the addiction.
Inspired Contributor
books4life48
Posts: 168
Registered: 12-06-2009
0

Re: short story

thx guys! i think i will make it longer. ill post it up wen i finish

~Yes*We*Have*No*Bananas~ XD