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Green Eggs and Hamlet

Alas poor Yorik

I doth not liken Green Eggs and Ham

I doth not liken it, Hear me man!

I doth not liken it, pray thee tell

I doth not liken it, though I knew it well

Message Edited by jcbookmaster on 05-28-2009 04:07 PM
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    When Farmer John and his wife take temporary leave of the farm, the barnyard animals move into the farmhouse. The animals have a rollicking good time, highlighted by pizza parties and toga parties, until the innocent fun takes a horrific turn. One night, the farm animals waylay the pizza delivery boy. Although the delivery boy manages to escape in his car, devoid of its cargo, the animals recognize their superior strength and intellect. Thence, the barnyard animals orchestrate a bizarre plan to take over the world, thereby establishing a new world pecking order. A horse, seeking dominance over the other animals, declares, “All animals are equal, but some are tastier than others.”
When Nell Trent discovers that a plant in her grandfather's Curiosity Shop is trying to eat him out of house and home, little Nell convinces her grandfather to abandon their home. Together, they journey across the English countryside, experiencing many adventures. Nell becomes a teen sensation when she is hired by Mrs. Jarley to perform in a traveling musical. She enjoys her newfound popularity until she discovers that the man-eating plant from the Curiosity Shop has followed her grandfather and her, seeking a part in the musical. To Nell's horror, she learn that the plant is bribing her grandfather with the intent of eating Mrs. Jarley. Thus, Nell dispenses with her comfortable lifestyle and once again flees with her grandfather.
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Two backward living fellows exchange life stories.
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I don't know who wrote this one, but I love it.  It was on a crazy end-of-the year thing my son got at the University of Chicago.

Eragon, Baby, Gone

The neighborhood is no place for the innocent, the young, the defenseless or the pure. This is a territory of broken families, bitter cops, whacked out ex-cons, and a mother who watches herself on the nightly news as her missing child floats further and further into the unkown. When Eragon finds a polished blue stone in the forest, he thinks it is the lucky discovery of a poor farm boy; perhaps it will buy his family meat for the winter.  Boston private investigators, Patrick Kenzie and Angela Gennaro, don't want this case. But when the stone brings a dragon hatchling, Eragon realizes he has stumbled upon a legacy nearly as old as the Empire itself. But after pleas from the child's aunt, they embark upon an investigation and ultimately risk losing everything- their relationship, their sanity, and even their lives-to find this little-girl-lost. Overnight his simple life is shattered, and he is thrust into a perilous new world of destiny, magic, and power.  With only an ancient sword and the advice of an old storyteller for guidance, Eragon and the fledgling dragon must navigate the dangerous terrain and dark enemies of an Empire ruled by a king whose evil knows no bounds.

 

Capturing the voices that echo within blue collar Boston, Dennis Christopher Lehane-Paolini is a master storyteller, who weaves together embittered people, tattered emotions, and brutal crime to create relentless, heart-pounding novels of suspense. Can Eragon take up the mantle of the legendary Dragon Riders? Gritty and evocative, the novels of Dennis Christopher Lehane-Paolini are ones you will never forget.

Four teenage girls bond over a pair of Blue Jeans and when they are in possession of the magical article of clothing --really hunky guys from all different time periods fill the pants.  Dating, and engagement, and a possible beheading occur.
Categories: title to title

Red Dawn of the Dead

     In 1986, the Soviet Union and Cuba invade the United States of America; unfortunately, they brought something even deadlier with them... A plague created by the Chernobyl meltdown which causes the reanimation of the dead. Within a matter of days, the entire soviet invasion force succumbs to the virus and begins preying upon human flesh across the country.

      The story follows a small group of suburban Milwaukee survivors who are on the run from their undead would-be foreign conquerors. After running low on ammunition and supplies, they decide to barricade themselves in a downtown shopping mall and defend the facility until help arrives.... If they just wait long enough, help will surely arrive... 


 

 

Message Edited by GrouchoMarxist on 04-20-2009 03:59 PM

Wallace and Gromit: Judgment Day

    The whimsical adventures of absent-minded inventor Wallace and his trusty dog, Gromit are cut short when SKYNET achieves sentience. Will the intrepid inventor and his crafty canine be able to thwart SKYNET's deadly cyborgs and save the human race?

 

Starring Peter Sallis and Arnold Schwarzenegger 

Categories: film to film
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The Towering Inferno of Dr. Funkenstein

     Dr. Funkenstein constructs an enormous tower to harness the pure power of funk music with the intent of reviving the dead. Following his succsessful completion of the creature called "Funkenstein," the doctor hosts a party for fellow eccentric scientists. Unfortunately, the party is cut short when massive amounts of hairspray in the air ignites following a lava-lamp mishap on shag carpeting. While the doctor and friends are busy partying, nearby villagers learn of the existence of  the funk monster and wish to punish Funkenstein for what they see as an abomination. To that end, they have sworn to tear the roof off Tower Funkenstein in order to force Funkenstein to give up the funk. Meanwhile, as his party guests attempt to evade the collapsing building, Funkenstein attempts to save his greatest creation during a freaked out fantastic voyage of action and danger. 

In a great, green room

there was a vampire

And a red balloon

And a picture of --

 

A werewolf howling at the moon.

 

Goodnight Room

Goodnight New Moon.

Riddler on the Roof

Set in pre-"No Man's Land" Gotham, the novel (and subsequent stage play) is based upon the stories of Robert Kane.

Edward Nygma is a costumed villain coping with a host of problems;

 

  • A world unware of his mental prowess
  • The day-to-day problems of super villainy
  • His cantakerous henchmen
  • City sanctioned violence in the form of the Batman

 

Bleak House of Sand and Fog and Seven Gables


Often considered Charles Dubus Hawthorne III’s masterpiece, Bleak House of Sand and Fog and Seven Gables blends together several literary genres—detective fiction, romance, melodrama, and satire — to create an unforgettable portrait of the decay and corruption at the heart of the legal system of our society.

This novel revolves around a court case in Salem that has dragged on for decades — the infamous Kathy Nicolo and Colonel Behrani lawsuit, in which both parties claim the rights to an old house that has been in a venerable New England family for many generations. This lawsuit is gradually devoured by legal costs.

 

We meet a cast of idiosyncratic characters who live in this decaying, gabled mansion, still haunted by their dead ancestors… including the beautiful Lady Dedlock who hides a terrible secret; hilarious Mrs. Jellyby who’s so generous at the cost of her own family; Hepzibah, an elderly gentlewoman fallen on hard times, her silly brother Clifford, and young Phoebe who cheerfully cares for these two doddering relations.

 

Can the love of these characters’ transform a bleak house of sand and fog and seven gables? And will justice prevail?
Categories: title to title

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Speaking of Mashups, this hilarious book is now available! Click here for more information.

 

 

How to Marry a Slumdog Millionaire

Lauren Bacall, Betty Grable, and Marilyn Monroe set their marital sights on an 18 year old street urchin named Jamal.
Categories: film to film

The Pho of the House & Usher

CLICK HERE AND TURN IT UP FOR THE FULL AUDIO EXPERIENCE

Girl, let me tell you...

 

Ingredients, yeah:
• Beef oxtails, nothing but the tail, real off-brand cut of beef, for broth
• A serious sweet cut of beef, slice it fine, put it in soup, get it wet
• 2 onions, white or yellow (be colorblind), one for broth, one to get wet
• Yeah, 1 hunk of fresh ginger (for broth), and for slicing to get wet
• Spice, girl – dried cinnamon (yeah, for the sweetness), coriander seed, (I don't know what that is), fennel seed (don't know either), whole cloves (not the kind you smoke), star anise (you know I'm the star, but you're the star in your kitchen), with cheesecloth to make spice packet — girl, you got a spice packet on you

• Pho noodles, hell yeah
• Green onion, brings in the funk
• Cilantro
• Thai (or red) basil
• Bean sprouts
• Jalapeno peppers, I know you know that's hot

 
When you get it on:
Rinse oxtails and cheap beef cut, and add them to a large stockpot filled at least halfway with water. Bring this to a boil, girl, it's time to get this hot, you understand? But then you gotta simmer down, you gotta simmer down for two hours. That's right. Gotta make it last. Also, skim off foam as necessary.
 
After two hours, add a whole, peeled onion. Just peel it. I don't want to see those tears on you, baby. Also, a large chunk of peeled ginger. Bring it up hot, then bring it back down for another hour. We could do this all night.
 
Prepare your spice packet. This is what's gonna tingle on your tongue. This is what's going to make you never forget the sweetness. Mix these together in a cheesecloth bag, and heat them up in a small frying pan for a few minutes, until the spices become aromatic. It's like soup perfume. Yeaaah. Then throw them in your stockpot, yeah.
 
Let that perfume soak into that broth like it's taking a bubble bath. Half hour? Hour? It doesn't matter. It's all about what you want right now. But then you gotta take those spices out, you've got to let the whole thing cool down. Take the broth, with meat, bones, onion and ginger still in, cover it, and put the whole thing in the fridge overnight. That's right. A gentleman waits.
 
Next day, put a nice cut of beef in the freezer for an hour or so to make it easier to cut into thin slices. Until it's cold like my heart until I first saw you, girl. Soak your pho noodles in cold water for at least an hour, until they're feeling like they're drowning, like I was until I first met you, girl. Warm up broth. Remove the onion, ginger and beef bones/meat from the broth — nothing between us anymore — and bring it to a boil. Season broth with salt as needed. Mmmm, salty. Damn.
 
Slice peppers, white onion, green onion, ginger, rinse the bean sprouts, cilantro and thai basil. Cut them just like my heart is cut every time you close those lashes and then turn away. Slice beef as thin as you can get it. Cut it as fine as you are.
 
After the noodles have soaked an hour, your broth is boiling, everything is on fire inside you, burning, waiting for the taste, and your accessories are ready, set a separate pan of just water to boil, for your noodles. Remove the noodles from their soak, and boil them for less than a minute! Damn. Divide the noodles into bowls, place the slices of beef on top of the noodles lay them down just like they're caressing it, and pour your pho broth over it all, pour it all over.. Yeah, add accessories as preferred.

I'm ready for you, girl. The soup is ready, girl. You'll never believe the way it's gonna make you feel. Nothing's ever going to feel this good. Believe me, girl.

Then again, everybody lies.

Categories: alter egos, title to title

The Story of Edgar SAWtelle

A mute boy, and his extraordinary dog, awake to find themselves chained by the feet. Held captive by a sadistic serial killer, Edgar's only chance for survival is by having his dog gnaw through his legs...
Categories: books to film
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Who Are You: the Owner's Manual

Roger Daltry  and Pete Townshend team up with Doctors Mehmet Oz and Michael Roizen to revisit this classic album. Bonus tracks include, "Guitar and Pancreas" and, in remembrance of their late drummer Keith Moon, a newly released live version of "Trick of the Liver."
Categories: books and music

Breaking Red Dawn

8:44 A.M. A full scale military invasion by foreign troops begins. Total surprise. Almost total success. A gang of high school kids become the last line of defense. 

 

Edward Cullen, as played by Patrick Swayze, and Bella Swan (Lea Thompson) are honeymooning on an island off the coast of Brazil when Soviet and Cuban Volturi invade. Mistakenly thinking it's a cross between a vampire and werewolf, they label themselves Wolverines, and Edward, Bella, Jacob (C. Thomas Howell), Seth (Charlie Sheen), and Leah (Jennifer Grey) head off into the hills to fight the communist threat.

Message Edited by PaulH on 03-17-2009 02:48 PM

I thought I'd burned out on these, but this morning I woke up with several of them batting around in my head.  I'm not sure how to categorize them, but I think they're still mash-ups:

 

Welcome to the Monkeybars:  Kurt Vonnegut looks back to his school days

 

Now We Are Sixty:  A.A. Milne rewrites his classic for the Baby Boomer generation

 

The Tell-tale Fart:  Edgar Allen Poe takes on the Young Adult market

 

Cautiously Positive Expectations:  Charles Dickens revamped for the 21st Century reader

 

A Seasonal Carol:  (same as above) 

 

Celsius 232.7777: Ray Bradbury for the metric age

 

Rosemary's Teenager:  Ira Levin revisits the devil's spawn

 

 

 

 

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